Posts

Posted on

Project self-care 2015

There is something incredibly humbling when deciding to put yourself first. Not in that selfish, I’m the queen, sort of way, but in a healthy reflective way that says I respect myself and in turn, I respect you.

It has taken me a long time to get to this place. I have dived into the abyss, taken the red pill and never looked back. I know I’ve hurt myself and others countless times and now I allow myself to step back and heal.

To truly heal.

My name is Monica and I’m an alcoholic. The first time I said those words out loud my voice cracked and I cried. It was an ugly cry in front of about 35 strangers who were all like myself, asking for help in the most gracious way they knew how. I’ve been an alcoholic all my life I suppose, constantly denying and defending my alcoholic actions. Things have changed.

Sobriety treats me better than any glass of wine ever has. Two months seems like a short time, and it is, but I feel amazing and grateful for making it this far because I never thought that I would or could live without drinking. At a meeting someone once said, if you make it to AA, you are lucky. If you don’t make it to AA and the good Lord takes you instead, then you are luckier. I didn’t understand it at first, but it means that sobriety will give you peace. At least, that’s what I think it means.

On Sept 19th 2014, I wrote this in a deep unknowing despair. My spirit was torn and I was constantly mending myself and my relationships. I was stuck to my story like a fly is stuck inside a venus fly trap. Only, unlike the fly, I could break free from my own prison. I craved what was killing my soul. I know that now and am incredibly grateful to be on the other side. I found this in my phone and cried because Yes, Yes, Yes. All of it was spot on.

What would my life be like?

What would my life be like sober? Would I accomplish more? Feel more motivated? Instead of a glass of wine, I could meditate, read, or practice yoga. I could write that novel, write a blog post, or write just to write.

I could be learning Spanish, going to Zumba, or taking a long walk around the lake.

What would it feel like to wake up completely refreshed? Would my bloat go away? Would my back pain lessen? With a clear mind I’d imagine my psychic and intuitive abilities would be greatly heightened and I would attract more positivity in that direction. I could focus more attention to what I truly want for my profession and attract the right people into my life.

I might even be a better mother, wife, and lover to my husband. My mood swings might decrease and my pms might go away. The desire and obsession to escape would disappear and I would be totally within my authentic self.

Guess what? I was right. I was right about all of it and it feels amazing to be on the other side. To anyone considering sobriety: It’s worth it. You are worth it.

Peace, love & light,

Monica

Posted on

Love Thyself-5 Simple Steps

Candles

Love Thyself

I remain committed to my mission of “self-love.” My definition of self-love is: the ability to love oneself unconditionally, to make decisions in her best interest and in the interest of the common good; to set time apart for herself to ground, energize, and stimulate creativity; the ability to give oneself all things needed to thrive.

So much effort goes into self-love and self care. Yet, for others this idea is so naturally fluid that it takes no effort at all. I aim to get the that place where I innately make choices for self love as easily as I can take a deep breath into my body. Unfortunately, for myself, I wait until some crazy catastrophe happens, and then decide that it’s time for self care. What about my preventative habits? What can I do today that will give me the core foundations to make these choices before my health slips or I become too angry to even focus. I need self-care 101 class!

Everyday I hear moms, especially new moms, talk about the difficulty of putting themselves first. Our babies, toddlers, husbands, or jobs seem to take top priority. But, here is what I’ve learned this past month, suffering from a cumulative lack of self-care: I must come first to be a quality human being to my baby, or toddler, or husband, or job. I have neglected this important lesson. GULP. Thank goodness it’s not too late to begin now, where I am, in this moment, to start practicing what I preach.

Some of this is going to seem elementary. You will probably think, DUH. But, these are 5 steps that I can easily implement today.

  1. I will take a shower before 10am every day, blow dry my hair, and put on lip gloss to prepare for my day. (That means I leave Ben in the crib for 30 min while I shower, brush my teeth, etc.)
  2. I will set an intention upon drinking my first sip of tea or coffee.
  3. At bedtime, I will let go of the day by writing in my journal, even if the only thing I write is “This fucking day sucks.”
  4. Meditation with or without stones as I prepare my body for bed.
  5. Dedicate 8 hours to sleep.

So, ladies and gents, do you have a special routine or other healthy habits that you include in your life on a daily basis that instantly zaps you out of negative thinking patterns? What are they? Please share in the comments.

Thank you,

Monica

 

Posted on

New Moon Wishes

September new moon energy
September new moon energy

Each new moon brings forth a reminded awareness to stay in my present self. As opposed to sinking into a pattern of particular thought, good or unpleasant. So, I need to be completely honest here. I’ve stayed away from writing for most of the year because I have been dealing with some deep soul work. I have needed to step back partly because I did not have the energy to expose myself and I was afraid to allow myself to be vulnerable. I am overwhelmed and lacking more sleep than I dare to admit. Then something wonderful happened.

I had a meltdown at the acupuncture table where I realized that I have no idea how to truly care for myself in a loving compassionate way. I’m learning that most of my choices are resulted out of fear and I’m not going to allow myself to sink into the shadows any longer. Yes, I have come a long way and I have also taken some stumbles in the process, which is all part of my journey.

So, why share my vulnerability now?

The Autumn Equinox is a time for transitioning and manifesting. Going from Spring/Summer into the Fall/Winter seasons actually takes great exertion from the body and mind. We get a rush of fall and feel the need to rush into a busier schedule when we actually need more rest than usual. Now is the time to clean up your diet so the body can perform at its highest potential. Lets also slow down so that we can actually enjoy ourselves and our loved ones.

The clean crisp air of fall also draws upon new ideals and ways of thinking. I have no problem exposing myself during energy healing sessions or Tarot card readings. But, the disconnection with my voice on paper (screen) and physical voice just doesn’t sit well with me anymore. I manifest the power and control of my voice to allow myself to be fully heard without the fears of judgment or speculation.

Last Saturday I gave a Chakra workshop and at the end one of the students asked me what sort of New Moon rituals should she do for the upcoming new moon. No questions were chakra related. They all assumed I was a witch (yes, she said that word!) because of what I talk about and the energy work that I do. Yes, I’m also a medium and the group witnessed me “tap in” to the spirit world. The quick answer would be yes, I am a witch; however, I do not identify with the word, just as I do not identify with the word psychic. I prefer the words pagan and intuitive empath.

With Pluto heading direct and the energy of the autumn equinox, this new moon gives us purpose to let go of what no longer serves us. I let go of behaviors and ways of thinking that are not serving my greater good to make space for my “witchy” behaviors that involve more meditation, yoga, and writing. I release the negative associations I have with the words “witch” and “psychic.” I release my fears of being judged. I release my feeling of being overwhelmed by my son. I make room for joy, light, and pure happiness. I manifest abundance of love and prosperity.

Blessed be.

Posted on

Heart Space

Celestite crystal grid with rose quartz, clear quartz, amethyst, azurite & selenite.
Celestite crystal grid with rose quartz, clear quartz, amethyst, azurite & selenite.

I am not prettier than you or funnier or thinner or curvier. My skin is not smoother and my lashes are not longer. I am not more educated or more organized or more worldly. I am not more accomplished nor do I have more hopes and dreams than you do.

I also am not less than you.

We are equally this and that.

The single most important thing I have learned by reading cards, channeling as a psychic medium, or doing energy chakra healing begins and ends with the idea that we are all looking for validation, appreciation, and love. We keep seeking out these things over and over again and the whole time it is all within us.

And inside, deep into the hardness that we create to protect our egos is just that: LOVE.

When I say the words, open up your heart space, I don’t just mean the area that holds our beating hearts. When I first heard those words in yoga class that is exactly what I thought, but now I understand the heart space to be so much more.

This space does not contain comparison, judgement, self sabotage, jealousy, or fear.

The heart space holds space for connection, equanimity, worthiness, compassion, and love. In this space we recognize that we are not alone. We are together, working on being the best versions of ourselves and striving to keep our hearts open.

Stay wild. Stay true. Love on.

xoxo, Monica